Looking back, I now realize that I feel so overwhelmed with everything because I wasn't fully aware of what I am getting into at the very start. It was a spur of the moment decision, fully driven by my heightened emotions and feelings. In short, I wasn't thinking clearly. I just said yes to compensate for my confused feelings back then. 

Another thing that I believe that led me to this state of mind is I am so uncomfortable of saying no. I am not sure how and where I got it but for every order given to me, I always say yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. It was supposed to a good thing and a good decision but as they say, too much of everything is bad and unfortunately, I got to the point where whenever I say yes, it's always followed by an exasperated sigh.

So, all of these are already a thing of the past. There is no point of blaming bad decisions made months ago and blaming habits that I should've fought back then. Blaming and reasoning out this late in the game is definitely pointless so there's no other way but to fight it and face it head on. 

How?

Acceptance. The first step to overcoming this rut is to accept that yes, I've made a commitment and I'm choosing to commit to it no matter what. I've gotten myself into this and I am going to prove to myself and to everyone that the spur of the moment decision I made was not a fluke. Show everyone that that choice chose you and you're going to choose that choice too. As Gayle Forman said, "Sometimes, you make choices in life and sometimes choices make you." Let that choice make you. Let it mold you into becoming a stronger and better person. Say no to hesitations and continue to move forward.

Then, if you're like me who just cannot say no, what I may say may shock you. Don't say no because I once read that people say no because they are afraid to yes. I want to urge you to not be afraid to say yes but in a limited or quaint way. For example, when you accept a project, why not let others help you or even ask help? If you have a meeting and you're not just in the mood to get up and face everyone, do them a favor and don't go. This is so because if you are just going to stay in that meeting with a contorted face plastered on you, you're not really helping anybody especially yourself. However, if you believe that you have something to say and help in that meeting and you know for yourself that you have a responsibility to attend to, then go. Get up. Get dressed and face everyone.

We all have limitations. We're not robots that can work 24/7. We're not designed like that. We all have minds that think and hearts that feel and bodies that need to heal. We commit because somewhere deep inside of us, we believe that we can respond to that commitment and that we can do it in a great way. However, we just have to teach our brain and let our hearts love the job given to us because I believe that God does not give us anything that we cannot handle.